A few more introductions

I have been blessed to have surrounded by awesome people on my care team since this whole thing started in earnest on February 27th. Okay, maybe while sitting on a gurney in the Emergency Department with a security guard and a man walking around with an open wound on his hand, wondering why the guy didn't fight fair, and "Papi, I have to pee". After the diagnosis was delivered, this is the scenario that ensued. If  I had been focused solely on that particular experience, I do not think I would be positively facing this disease with the forthright determination, diet, exercise, prayer, meditation, yoga, and hope.

From the nurses at UMASS, to the staff at Fairlawn Rehabilitation Hospital, to the staff, to the people that take care of me at home from Century Homecare. I have two nurses, one week day nurse, Janice, and one weekend nurse, Joe. I also have a physical therapist, Fran, an occupational therapist, Sue, and a speech therapist, Dave. I had an awesome experience this weekend, when Joe showed up on Saturday. I was feeling rather emotional when Joe showed up, and just plain old frustrated. My nurse Janice is a clone of me before I had brain cancer and advocated for clients when I worked at the group home. She gets things done. I love that about her. She is also compassionate, and like me, just the right amount of naughty. Sue is so supportive and encouraging. I even hear from her via text during the weekend if she runs into something she thinks I would find interesting. Fran doesn't take no for an answer and keeps me moving as per my request in the early days. Dave helps me to focus, find ways to concentrate (still working on that, thanks surgery, chemo and radiation I have the attention span of a 5 year old most times) These people are my team.

I asked Joe what he did during the week. That is when he told me he is going to school during the week. I asked what he was going to school for. That is when I found out that he was going to school to become a prison pastor. I was so impressed by his compassionate heart to go into the ministry, but prison ministry specifically. We talked and he asked if he could pray for me. I said yes. I was so glad he prayed. It was calming, it was confirming. I started the Course of Miracles Saturday night. A friend brought over the book shortly before I was diagnosed. Granted with the blurry vision right now, reading is not easy, but I am persevering. Maybe only being able to do it in small chunks at a time is good, this way I have to take it in more, be more aware, me more mindful?

Sunday, he showed up and he told me, "you know, I prayed for you all night." then he gave me a little homily if you will about being open to being in the presence of God, and when Jesus came and walked among the disciples, and sat down and ate with them and then disappeared. And it wasn't until afterward that they realized who it was walking with them. "You never know what, I want you to concentrate on your relationship with God. The miracle will happen. Concentrate on your spirit and your soul. Keep doing what you are doing with your diet and medicine. Most importantly, know you are never alone. He is here with you every step of the way, even when you lay in that radiation machine at the hospital, He is right there holding your hand." He prayed again, and assured me that we would pray for me every day. He prayed again and then he left. 

In Perseverance, Hope, Faith and Love,

I am a glass half full kind of girl. Always looking for the silver lining. First things first, it is Wednesday and it is time to tell Mother Fucker to take a long hike off a short pier and never return. Remember team, we are wearing purple on Wednesdays.

Awesome things that have happened since I started chemo and radiation. One: my oldest son has these friends who used to be over at the house all the time when they were in high school. Turns out, their mom is one of the nurses who draws my labs. I get an honest to goodness, genuine, love hug every Tuesday. Thanks God, for taking care of that for me. I have not yet found the medical marijuana that I am seeking. However, I did find some stuff from a medical grower that really does help with the headache and nausea at a much faster rate than 45 minutes to an hour waiting to see if it works. Still seeking the tumor killing stuff, I have not given up. Super Lemon Haze and Terry Sheppey are the two tumor killing strains. Other strains that are very helpful are Grape Ape and Wi-Fi. If you know anyone that might be able to get these specific strains, please put them in touch. I get to see my son, and meet his fiance. She is a very nice young lady, they seem very happy together, and comfortable. I feel bad that I have to meet her at such a trying time. The sun has been shining. No more snow, I was beginning to wonder if I was in the movie Groundhog for awhile, every day seemed the same.

I am getting stronger, I can make it to both corners now when I go on a walk.I think the food diet helps, and filling the protein gap and strong nutrients. Hoping to push past that marker and make it around the block by next week. Small goal, to most. Huge to me. If you happen to see someone physically struggling or moving slow, offer them encouragement or assistance in my name please. They are doing the best they can, pay if forward.

My right leg has started to have spams again. It bothers me. I will tell the nurse this morning. I will contact the neuro-oncology doc this morning and tell them and see what they say.

Meanwhile, Die, Mother Fucker, Die!

Sick and tired of cancer already

Day three full assault

So, I tried creating a playlist, power songs to inspire me while I undergo radiation. I went to my old playlist and for some reason, I can't open it. I don't know how. Then a friend came over and said, "well it is a new battle, maybe the universe is telling you it is time for a new playlist?" Wise, grasshopper. And then I remembered, "hey, I can use Amazon Prime" and download free music there and make a playlist because the hospital has wi-fi.(Big deal to remember something I just learned, look at me go.) i pick out my playlist, starting with Alicia Keys, Super Woman, followed by Girl on Fire - a little radiation humor. The techs looked at me like I was morbid when that came blasting out of my ihome speaker.  So, right up until I walk into the radiology room, I have service, then kaput.Turns out as long as you have service you have your Prime Library available to you, but not on your device, you have to buy those songs for that to happen. Silly girl.  I have been forced these last two days to focus on the following two mantras during radiation "Die Mother Fucker, Die" and "Cells, heal yourselves". I have been so hyper focused on those two mantras that I come home exhausted and need a nap, which is throwing off my sleep schedule at night. Which leads me back to my original problem, creating a playlist that I can listen to while getting zapped that I have already paid for the music or it is on my computer. Once I figure this problem out, I am going to figure out how to get pictures from my phone to my blog so I can start showing you all how I am cooking my way out of this friggin situation and give you recipes to boot. 

I can't be off at night, cause I need to get up in the morning in time to do all my stuff and fit in all the home visits before I go to battle. Other than the battle weariness, I am doing okay. The ketosis diet is going well. I follow the menu exactly, food still tastes good, and I am eating regular portions.The chemo has helped cut down the steroid munchies, and the medical marijuana helps the appetite stay in balance, as well as assisting in nausea and headaches. I am looking for a particular strain that has been shown to obliterate the type of tumor I have in combination with radiation and chemo This has not been done without the use of all three. I have seen peoples scans. Typically only, growth is stopped for awhile and then you need more treatment.  I have my medical marijuana card but there are no dispensaries in Mass yet. I cannot get it delivered legally from a dispensary out of state. If you think you might be able to be of assistance, please contact me directly, thank you.

Okay, gotta get ready to rumble. Do my exercises before I go, shower and all that good stuff. 

This is a cross post from my caringbridge page, kind of says everything I need to get out for right now.

Tonight, I start chemo. 

The war is on. 

 Raise the war cry! 

Words are powerful. Very powerful. Thought and intent are also very powerful. Through the ages, people have used words when making a proclamation, whether it be in love, loyalty, forgiveness, friendship or war. 

Brain cancer needs an army to fight. I am leading the charge and I am asking each of you to please suit up and join me. On Wednesday, April 15th at 2 pm EST, please be wearing purple and raise your war cry against this brain tumor.Your war cry can be a prayer, http://biblehub.com/joel/3-9.htma .In terms of realism, this has some ground as traditional and even some current practitioners of martial arts hold the belief that accompanying statements and/or vocal noises alongside execution build up their chi, thereby increasing the power and efficacy of their moves and techniques. Put less spiritually, saying a phrase at the right time during an attack ensures proper breathing. A call used for this reason is known as a kiai. The naming of attacks also served a more practical purpose as many martial arts schools, Chinese ones in particular, used to be secret societies. The passing down of techniques was done orally and giving them esoteric names often facilitated this transmission. In addition, kiai has the potential to startle the opponent and give you an opening. (tvtropes.org) I personally will be using a more Bruce Willis, Die Hard approach, "Yipee Kai Yay, Die Mother Fucker Die". Not very lady like, whatever, this is war and I have had enough cancer in my life already.  My girls picked purple, I don't know why, but Wednesdays are purple days and it just works. I am going to do the first battle alone. I will reassess after the first battle. But I feel like I need to face this one on one for the first time. I am going to "put up my dukes and get down to it". There is only room for one of us in my head, and I am not leaving.  

To continue the war cry, the treatments are Monday through Friday at 11:15 EST for the next 6 weeks. The first one is the only one scheduled for 2. And we wear purple  on Wednesdays.  

Another key player in this Kick Cancer's Butt, Henry

I got my little guy when he was 8 weeks old. I had lost two golden retrievers within a 4 year time span. I missed having a dog so much, but knew that I needed a guy that was going to be easy maintenance and easy going to boot. I loved the idea of having a puppy, so I decided get a dog that stays the size of a puppy, looks like a stuffed animal, is easy to train, hair not fur so one is allergic to him, playful, yet gentle.

This is Henry coming home from the kennel.

Henry is now in all senses of the word, a therapy dog. I used him as a therapy dog many times over the years with clients. Never did I realize, I was training him to work with me. The thought never crossed my mind that this little fellow and I, who are a team, would ever need one another as much as we do. He follows me around during the day. Reminds me to rest when I am doing too much. Get fresh air for a little bit even if we can't go for a walk we can be on the front porch or back deck.  He deliberately does things to make me laugh like throwing his toys around, greets each visitor with a tail wag. He has also been working on his inside voice. He has almost mastered the soft woof when someone is at the door. 

Just waking up from a nap mom, geez

Started my morning off with yoga, a great way to get going. Then I did some housework, well, limited, but still did some housework while the home health aide was here. Still on the ketosis diet and loving it. The idea is to starve the tumor of glucose in conjunction with chemo and radiation to give myself the best odds possible. Today was a bacon, cheddar mug muffin. When it came time to make lunch, I pulled out a knife that I love to use. It was dull. Okay, no problem, I remember how to sharpen a knife. I get out my little gizmo. I start running the blade through the area and these little red "wheels" are supposed to spin. I can't get the wheels to spin. It is a small wrist motion, that is connected to your forearm that connects to your bicep, then you do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around. Oh shit, this is going to be harder than I thought. So, I give out a shout "Oh no you don't Mother Fucker! I am going to sharpen this knife and then I am going to eat at YOU but not for you!"  Very determined and focused and longer that it normally takes, that knife is sharpened. Perseverance and determination got the job done. Using that right arm of mine that I am attempting to rehab as well. 

Once I was sitting down and successfully eating lunch, I got to thinking. Always a dangerous phrase for me, "I got to thinking..." I feel fortunate that I was able to locate this information about this type of diet working for brain tumor patients, that I am able to prepare the food, that I am able to stick with the diet, and that I didn't have to do any of the planning, it is already done and the recipes are tasty. 

Wednesday is the big day. The first radiation therapy will be at 2 pm. After that, they will be at 11:15, Monday through Friday for the next 6 weeks. Today, I am working on a power playlist to listen to while the radiologist zaps Mother Fucker. 

Okay, merrily my little dog and I go on our way...

More Introductions

Today, I was fortunate enough to be fitted with a nifty new head piece. For my tiara crowd, you are not getting one. It was a bit unnerving, a lot unnerving actually. But what seemed to get me through today was the mantra of Die, Mother Fucker, Die. That is what I have named my tumor, Mother Fucker. I have never really cared much for the saying as it is, but in this particular case, I think it is rather appropriate.

By the time I arrived home, I thought my head might explode. Just a lot to process. I made myself a cup of tea, burned some sage, did some yoga, and then the pt guy, Fran came. I rode my bike, we went for a walk, one house further than I did yesterday. Progress. I'll take it.

The ketosis diet is working out really well. I feel good, the recipes have been tasty, and I have been full, which is saying something when you are on steroids. It is nice to be in charge of something again, what I put into my body. Tonight's fun discoveries have been fried cheese and tumeric tea.

Queso Fresco (fried cheese)
Ingredients - 1 lb. Queso Fresco (or Paneer Cheese if Queso Fresco is not available) - 1 Tbsp. Coconut Oil - 1/2 Tbsp. Olive Oil
Instructions 1. Cut cheese into cubes, or thin rectangles. 2. Bring 1 Tbsp. coconut oil and 1/2 Tbsp. olive oil to high heat in a pan. 3. Once the smoke point hits, add your cheese. Let it cook until browned on one side and then flip over and do the same on the other side. 4. Remove from pan and drain excess grease on a paper towel.

and

Tumeric Tea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGgF1cnKdcs

Today was not the easiest, but it wasn't the hardest either.

Meanwhile, Die Mother Fucker, Die.

Introductions first, at least that was the way things used to be...

Hi, I am Cindy.

I am just about 50 years old, divorced and live with my little dog, Henry, and my two cats, Otis and Willie. My daughter thought Willie was a boy when she proudly brought him home to me, and then moved out 8 weeks later, leaving me with the kitten, who turned out to be a girl kitty. That type of stuff happened pretty regularly for me all my life, so that didn't really through me for a loop.

What through me for a loop was February 27, 2015. The day I found out I had brain cancer. Very surreal. Brain Cancer. That's rare, or so I thought. Actually, there are 150 different types of brain cancer. Over 600,000 people live with a brain tumor in the United States. Yep, that word back there was live. Remember that word, I will ask you for it later. Neurology humor

Turns out my tumor is rare. Not incurable, but rare and feisty. I have Abnormal Olgioastrocytoma, grade 3. I had surgery to remove a large portion of the tumor with very little residual damage. I had already lost control of my right leg below the knee, but continue to exercise, walk and stretch it as much as possible. There is some damage to the right arm, might be more of a favoring or protecting, but I am reteaching myself to use it and have not slipped so far away that it is not an attainable goal to regain full use of the arm again.

I am attacking on all sides. Surgery, chemo, radiation, nutrition , prayer and complimentary therapies.

Pre Brain Cancer Ass Kickin Princess Warrior, I was a personal chef and a personal care attendant. I had started my own personal chef business and it was taking off. I loved cooking for people. I will use that same love, care, and concern that I used for each of my clients into my cooking myself back to health. I will be following the ketosis diet that has been found highly effective in stopping the growth of the type of tumor I have in my brain. For more information on that here is http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/healthscience/2012/december/starving-cancer-ketogenic-diet-a-key-to-recovery/


My job now, is to get better. So what was that word I asked you to remember?

Live, that's the word. And that is exactly what I intend to do, live.